whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
