fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He? As in you personified your dick?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
