i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
