There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
