Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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