Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
