Nicole vs. Life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
