I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
