if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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