well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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