it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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