I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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