Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
