TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
