I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
