Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
