You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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