So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
