She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
