can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
