I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
