I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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