My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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