worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
