just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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