I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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