Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
