You really coming over, don't trick.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
