I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
