Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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