Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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