I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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