I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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