This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
