FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
