And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
