dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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