i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
