im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
