hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
