i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
