Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
