Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
