You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
