And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
