I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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