so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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