Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
