I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
