I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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