The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
