do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
