I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
